🌀 Mercury in Retrograde: What It Is, Why It’s Ruining Everything, and How to Survive with Your Sanity and Lip Gloss Intact

You wake up late, drop your phone in the toilet, your ex texts “hey,” your email eats itself, and you cry over your DoorDash order being wrong. Is it personal? No, babe. It’s Mercury Retrograde.

👀 Wait, What Is Mercury in Retrograde?

Let’s break it down in human terms before we spiral.

Mercury in retrograde is when the planet Mercury appears to move backwards in the sky from our point of view on Earth. Spoiler alert: It’s not actually moonwalking—it’s just an optical illusion caused by Earth’s orbit catching up to Mercury’s.

Think of it like driving past a slower car on the highway. That car looks like it’s moving backward, but it’s just moving slower than you. That’s retrograde motion.

So no, Mercury isn’t really reversing through the cosmos like a petty ex. But energetically? It might as well be.

🪐 Why Mercury Though? Why Is It Always That One?

Because Mercury rules:

• Communication (emails, texts, side-eyes)

• Travel (delays, missed connections, wrong turns)

• Technology (phone glitches, crashed files, that Zoom meeting from hell)

• Contracts (yes, including that lease you didn’t read all the way through)

Basically, Mercury is the overachiever of the zodiac planets. It’s the cosmic intern who runs all your errands—until it goes into retrograde, gets overwhelmed, and starts knocking things off your energetic desk.

📅 When Is Mercury in Retrograde?

Mercury retrogrades 3 to 4 times a year, for about 3 weeks at a time. So yeah, it’s basically your emotionally unavailable friend who keeps ghosting and coming back when things get chaotic.

Here’s what a typical Mercury Retrograde cycle looks like:

1. Pre-Shadow Phase: Things start to feel off. You can’t find your charger. You forget your passwords. Your cat looks at you funny.

2. Retrograde Proper: Full chaos. Wi-Fi fails. You say things you don’t mean. You get weird urges to cut bangs or text Chad.

3. Post-Shadow Phase: Things slowly return to normal, but you’re still side-eyeing everything like a burnt-out oracle.

😫 Mercury Retrograde Symptoms (AKA: Are You Okay, Babe?)

If you’re experiencing any of the following symptoms, consult your astrologer immediately—or just take a nap and drink some moon water:

• Losing your phone while actively holding it

• Autocorrect betraying you in a professional email

• Scheduling the wrong date for literally everything

• Sudden reappearance of exes, situationships, or “just checking in” people you blocked in 2022

• Getting lost in a parking garage

• Saying things you immediately regret

• General vibes of “What in the celestial hell is going on?”

Congratulations. You’re probably deep in Mercury Retrograde.

🧠 So It’s All Bad Then?

Surprise twist: Not entirely.

Yes, Mercury Retrograde is annoying AF, but it’s also a cosmic reset. Think of it as the universe’s way of saying:

“Sit down. Rethink that thing. Revisit, revise, redo.”

It’s not about moving forward. It’s about going back and cleaning up the mess you’ve been pretending wasn’t there.

Retrograde is actually perfect for:

• Reflecting on old goals

• Reconnecting with people you actually like

• Editing your work or reworking your brand

• Reorganizing your space

• Revisiting old passions or ideas

You know that “notes” folder full of brilliant business ideas, witchy downloads, and chaotic affirmations? Mercury Retrograde is the time to open it and do something.

🛠️ Mercury Retrograde Survival Kit (Witch-Approved)

Let’s be honest, you’re not going to escape unscathed. But you can prepare.

Here’s your Spellbound & Stunning Mercury Retrograde Toolkit:

💻 1. Back It Up, Babe

Your files. Your photos. Your ex’s apology email (for future dramatic readings). Save it all. Do it now.

✈️ 2. Build in Wiggle Room

Travel delays, traffic, and missed meetings are retrograde classics. Leave early. Double-check everything. Don’t book a spontaneous flight unless it’s a spiritual emergency or a dramatic breakup recovery trip.

📵 3. Re-read Every Text Before Sending

Mercury is the ruler of “I didn’t mean it like that.”
Slow down. Proofread. And maybe… don’t drunk-text anyone named Brandon.

📔 4. Journal Before You Rage

Mercury retrograde has beef with communication. So before you unleash a voice note that ends your career, journal it out. Burn it if needed. Or save it for your memoir.

🔮 5. Protect Your Energy

Cleanse your aura like your life depends on it. Salt baths. Palo santo. Black tourmaline. That song that makes you feel like a high-fashion villain. Protect and reset your field.

🕯️ 6. Use These Spells & Charms:

• Glamour spell for confidence when you feel like a mess

• Communication spell jar with lavender, blue lace agate, and peppermint oil

• “Ex-Repellent” candle to block the sudden wave of ghost-of-relationship-past texts

👻 Mercury Retrograde and Your Exes: A Special Section Because They Always Come Back

This needs its own paragraph, honestly.

Mercury in retrograde is notorious for summoning:

• That one who “wasn’t ready for a relationship” but now feels “different”

• The ghoster turned poet

• The situationship with a soft playlist and no emotional maturity

Here’s the deal: Retrograde is a test, not a blessing.

If someone comes back during Mercury Retrograde, ask yourself:

• Did they come back with growth, or just vibes?

• Are they an aligned match, or just a walking Mercury lesson?

• Do they belong in your past life... or your blocked list?

And if you do decide to revisit an old connection? Go slow. Like, “we’re just talking” slow. Like, “I saged the phone before replying” slow.

🔄 What NOT to Do During Mercury Retrograde

Unless you enjoy drama, tech issues, and instant regret:

❌ Don’t sign major contracts unless you’ve read them three times
❌ Don’t launch a brand-new biz or product unless you’ve been planning it already
❌ Don’t make bold, irreversible beauty decisions (we’re looking at you, DIY bangs)
❌ Don’t gossip—it’ll boomerang back to you faster than Mercury spins
❌ Don’t panic. Seriously. The more you chill, the better you flow.

🪞 Mercury Retrograde Self-Care Ideas

Because yes, you deserve soft rituals even when the cosmos are being petty.

✨ 1. Do a Mirror Reflection Ritual

Look at yourself in the mirror and say:

“Even in chaos, I am grounded. Even in confusion, I am powerful.”

Bonus points if you’re wearing under-eye patches and sipping herbal tea like a goddess who’s been through things.

✨ 2. Detox Your Digital Space

Unfollow, unsubscribe, unfollow again. Clean your inbox. Reorganize your phone apps. Mercury loves this energy.

✨ 3. Revisit Your Vision Board

Update it. Burn the outdated one. Make a new one with glitter. We’re reimagining, not retreating.

🗣️ Mercury Retrograde by Zodiac Sign (Quick + Sassy Edition)

Here’s a cheeky little rundown of how each sign handles Mercury Retrograde chaos:

• Aries: Accidentally starts fights. Claims they were “just being honest.”

• Taurus: Loses their debit card and freaks out because brunch is sacred.

• Gemini: Forgets what they were saying halfway through the sentence.

• Cancer: Texts their ex, cries, then deletes everything and takes a nap.

• Leo: Treats retrograde like a performance. “Yes, I am having a dramatic week. Thanks for noticing.”

• Virgo: Nervous breakdown in a spreadsheet. Organizes sock drawer to cope.

• Libra: Says “I’m fine” but actually means “everything is falling apart.”

• Scorpio: Re-reads all old texts with subtext. Sends none of them.

• Sagittarius: Books a spontaneous trip and regrets it at the airport.

• Capricorn: Schedules a backup plan for the backup plan.

• Aquarius: Disassociates. Talks to Siri like she’s their therapist.

• Pisces: Journals while crying to a playlist called “Mercury Please Be Nice.”

🛸 Final Thoughts: It’s Not the End of the World (Just Mercury Being Messy)

Mercury in retrograde isn’t here to ruin your life—it’s here to shake loose what’s not aligned. It’s uncomfortable, yes. But also… kind of magical.

You’re being asked to:

• Reflect before reacting

• Rethink before committing

• Remember who the f*ck you are

And maybe, just maybe, to laugh when nothing goes as planned.

Because honestly? If you can survive Mercury Retrograde with your sense of humor, your phone backed up, and your vibe intact—congrats, you’re basically an intergalactic queen.

🗓️ Mercury Retrograde Calendar 2025

PhaseSignStarts (Retroshade)Goes RetrogradeTurns DirectEnds (Post-Shadow)

First Retrograde Aries → Pisces Feb 28, 2025 Mar 15, 2025 Apr 7, 2025 Apr 26, 2025

Second Retrograde (Leo)Leo Jun 29, 2025 Jul 17–18, 2025 Aug 11, 2025 Aug 25, 2025

Third Retrograde Sagittarius → Scorpio Oct 21, 2025 Nov 9, 2025 Nov 29, 2025 Dec 16, 2025

• First Retrograde: Retrograde motion runs from March 15 to April 7, with the surrounding shadow periods from Feb 28 → Apr 26.

• Second Retrograde (Leo): The retrograde is active July 17–18 to August 11, with shadow influence from June 29 to August 25.

• Third Retrograde (Sagittarius/Scorpio): Mercury goes retrograde on November 9, turns direct on November 29, and the post-shadow ends December 16.

✨ What This Means for You

• March Retrograde (Aries → Pisces): Great time for revising goals, reassessing new year plans, and practicing patience before launching anything big. Ideal for reflection and editing.

• July Retrograde (Leo): Watch out for comm layer failures, travel chaos, and communication drama—especially if you're a Leo, Taurus, Scorpio, or Aquarius. Take advantage by rebalancing your self-expression and personal mindset.

• November Retrograde (Sagittarius → Scorpio): During sweeping holiday planning, Mercury flips backward—so double-check bookings, avoid launching major projects, and deal with any old emotional baggage before it surfaces.

🔮 Tips to Navigate Each Retrograde

• Before it starts (pre-shadow): Begin pausing—don’t rush. Back up files and double-check any travel or event plans.

• During retrograde: Slow your roll. Avoid signing contracts, starting projects, or making impulsive moves.

• Afterward (post-shadow): Reassess what came up. Tie up loose ends and solidify decisions you held off on.

TL;DR

• 🐏 Mar 15–Apr 7 (with shadow Feb 28–Apr 26) → Aries/Pisces: perfect for editing and self-care.

• 🦁 Jul 17/Aug 11 (shadow Jun 29–Aug 25) → Leo: expect communication chaos, but also personal recalibration.

• 🏹 Nov 9–29 (shadow Oct 21–Dec 16) → Sagittarius/Scorpio: watch travel, emotional flare-ups, and contract language before going all in.